Number 60 – Where is the Sun?

SeasonsBS80

Where’s the Damn sun?

Such haunting song…

There’s a lot of women, and even some men out there that will think I’m nuts with the position of this one… the only thing I can say to that is; What’s nuts is trying to put 100 of their favorite band’s songs in an order of importance, or reverence, and then write a book about it…

Take a walk outside your mind…

When you get to the video below, you will see how really tough it is, to not give this one a higher spot, but alas… here it is at number 60.

Steven’s VERY EARLY song writing, and lyrical talents are in full bloom with this song, along with just a peek into what Joe will soon be as a guitarist. Sure, Steven wrote the original music on a garbage dumpster guitar, but Joe helps bring it to life. Steven and Joe paint a mood, a presence, an almost ethereal feel with this melody. You can feel the hustle, the bustle, only to come down to the speed just a bit faster than a crawl. You can feel the seasons change from warm fun, and then fast to cold, and dark, and grey. You can feel the desire to want more than cold, more than being alone…. Like you will read later with Uncle Salty, they both take you almost to the point of screaming out loud, but never quite go over that line.

My personal perspective on this song is complex. Difficult to put into words, as it honestly does have a parallel in my life, both as a young boy and as an adult much later in life. The melody is such that, as beautiful as it is, it comes across, to me at least, a sense of foreboding… It’s dark, and yet it pulls you in.

It’s a place in my mind I often don’t like to visit, given that I have so many fond memories of my adolescence and childhood, but it does relate, and it relates in time. I can remember buying GYW and hurrying home to hear songs I’d never heard before, save a few on the radio. But even then, those songs getting airplay were very infrequent. My room, not unlike so many other teenage boys, was a place to escape. I can never say I had a horrible childhood, or that I was abused or anything of that nature, so as I write, it’s a little hard to paint a picture of the sense of alone-ness I often had. Especially being the last child of 9, you would think feeling alone would be rather difficult. But divorce can, and does do funny things to people. And innocence can be traded in settlement proceedings of two people who once loved each other, but now can’t comprehend the damage done.

I was living with my father at the time, another new town, another new room, another new apartment complex, another mistake… Living with my father was a choice I made at an age when children shouldn’t be given that kind of choice to make. Out of loyalty to a brother to never separate. My only true 100% blood. A man I would be happy to part ways with later in life, a decision was made. A decision unknown at the time, with almost devastating effects. My mother whom I loved more than air, and who loved me more than the sun, was broken hearted for life with that decision. My father regretted the offer ever being made, or accepted. A child who was truly nothing more than a reminder of the woman he grew to hate. A child who, although absolutely clueless to it, would be neglected as if he were nothing more than weed between the fences. A child, who was in the way…

My room was an escape from many things; the memory of what I once was, what our family once was… an escape from what it was now. A place to not have the obligatory superficial talk with a strange woman my father fucked on weekends, trying to be a mother figure to me. An escape from my brother accepting all of that, as I f she was a new spicket he could turn on, and get attention from like water. An escape from the quarrels of the living room below, my sisters, who also had the rug pulled out from under them, and demands of a father to be a mother to his boys that they needed so much. An escape from my father who was clueless in how to be a dad… an escape from the fist fights witnessed between my visiting mother and my father protecting his fuck…

I put the record on, and just let it play, turning it up just to drown out the sounds of a broken family. I listened as this band, playing music, I literally knew absolutely nothing about at the time, fill my head. To distract from the realities of teenage depression, teenage angst. I just put in on… Side A 1st song, drop the needle. I just listened to them take me on a ride of growth from their eponymous record to their 2nd. I laid there rockin’ out to music and lyrics of a hard luck story in the first song, S.O.S.A.D. then to, although unknown at the time the true meaning of the song, but a boyhood fantasy type song of being an expert in the field of sexuality with L.O.T.T., then “Spaced”, wow are these guys hitting home or what? The record continued with an upbeat fun W.O.W. in a sense, teaching a young boy that certain women have traits you just can’t ignore…

Flipping the record over, listening to the 1st track on the B side, I heard just a Bad Ass Rockin’ Tune. So much energy, so much attitude and mojo, S.O.S. could very easily be a new mantra for a young boy of 14, with nothin’ but bad luck in his pocket! As the record rolled through the very familiar Train, although not real interested, as this is the one song I’d already heard so often, I just let it play, then at the end… the studio sound still on, but picking up inserted sounds, as if the song finished live, but the transition into the next was almost apprehensive in a way… bringing the sounds of wind, and cold. It was as if the party stopped, and I was all alone again… I let this melody and sound enter me, it was beautiful, and yet not…. It became a favorite of mine for quite sometime without the desire for it to be there at all.

The song represents to me the good things in life that are lost in the wind. Memories that are nothing more than a summer long ago. And a stark reminder of the cold you now live in. The song was enticing, and inviting. Almost as if it was my depression, which by the way wasn’t even defined as such in 1976. There were no prescriptions. There were no therapists, there was no talking about it. There was just you, and ignorance. As the song starts though, it pets and strokes the listener’s ears with a soft melancholy effect to bring him or her in, it makes her feel welcome, much like Depression does, it’s so easy to let it consume you, and then slowly ascends to an anxiousness, not an anger, just an emotion that could go places you’re not comfortable with. It takes the listener on a journey of wanting to go back, but has to move forward. Who wants have warmth, but is only cold. Who wants the presence of family, friends, company, but only is only alone…

In a year’s time since I bought that record, I would learn what it truly means to be alone, to have no one. No family. I learned I guess, to deal with my abandonment as best I could. In all reality, maybe I made my own truths which were easier to live with at the time. I developed a sense of confidence as to when the “Cold” came. I could easily find my way back into the sunlight. The song would remain a favorite, but I also sensed, but unknown why at 15, 16, 17 a sense of always wanting to push it away. I learned to take care of myself and not give in to the underlying darkness that made up my world of being a teenager on his own at such an early age. I honestly knew no such thing as “depression” at the time. I just knew that I was different. Friends went home for dinner. Friends had their mom’s do their laundry, friends had parents help them buy cars… Shit, friends ate!

These little amenities of life, so to speak, I had no part of, but I learned to hide those moods, as no one who didn’t live in my world really understood it anyway. Hell, I didn’t understand it. Even room mates, they could always go home. I was home! So, these moods, for lack of a better word, that this song gave me insight to, yet no understanding of, needed to be kept hidden. They were vulnerable, they were soft. My world didn’t allow that. So as I got older, as I matured, I can distinctly remember listening to it in the cassette deck of my first car, and even after that through my life, listening to the soft remembrance, but immediately pushing the “skip” button within the 1st minute, never really knowing why.

Just this week it came to me, with all that I have been through this past year, the song represents “insecurity” to me. That is where depression and anxiety starts, at least for me it did, or does. But for me, a man with so much confidence, which is really nothing more than controlled ego, insecurity is unwelcome and debilitating force. It’s a force I’ve come to know that I’ve had my whole life. Sometimes hidden very well, sometimes blatantly disguised as anger. What really is Insecurity, other than the face “Ego” sees in the mirror?

I have a friend who gave me different thoughts of the song, and I bet he’s a lot closer to the truth than I am. And that’s what I love best about music, we all have different interpretations, and if we ask and listen, it can be a really cool thing. My buddy Terry Crotts told me that he always envisioned the song as though it was a sort of banner song, an anthem of sorts of will, of testament. And I really like that. He told me, as we’re the same age; “That although the song is dark, it gives him a sense of promise that his ship will come in, and he will be on it when it does.” He likens it to Steven writing a song in the same vain as “Make It’, but just darker. As if Steven’s trip into the basement that cold winter night, when he wrote the song alone, that maybe he was contemplating the lack of sales from their first album, and yet he knew their ship would come in. In sense it’s always darkest before dawn. Terry envisioned the guys sitting around a campfire at Lake Sunupee just relaxing and dreaming of making it, and this is that dream. Maybe not as gung-ho as “Make It’ was, but still the same dream none-the-less. Yeah, I think I like that Terry. Thanks…

Joe has said many times this is his favorite ballad, which is cool, since Joe hates ballads. Don’t know if that’s true today, but it really does give you just a peek inside of who exactly these guys are…

From “Walk This Way”- Aerosmith Autobigraphy –
Seasons of Wither was about the winter landscape near this house I was living in with Joey near an old chicken farm. I used to lie in my bed at dawn, listening to the wind in the bare trees, how lonely and melancholy it sounded. I was pissed off about my taxes and getting mad helps me to write, so one night I went down to the basement where we had a rug on the floor and a couple of boxes for furniture and took a few Tuinals and a few Seconals and I scooped up this guitar Joey gave me… this dumpster guitar, and I lit some incense and wrote Seasons of Wither.”

My opinion, and if I remember right, I think he referenced it during his Oprah interview at his home at the lake…. I think there is also a lot in this song about Joe’s, Steven’s, and even Tom’s childhoods at Lake Sunapee and “Trowrico”, the Tallerico Family Inn at Lake Sunapee. When the seasons change, and everyone goes back to their real homes, back to the cities far away, whats left is the remains…

It’s a very “alone” song. Seasons change, as do the people.

I have the same view as always did about the song, but that doesn’t mean I don’t see the beauty in it. Just last year, with chills running up and down my spine, I heard the song live for the 1st time (for me) since 1978. During our visit to the Salinas show, My wife Mary, My daughter Natalie, and I witnessed history and it left an indelible mark on my life. Just after a few True Blue army favorites “Walkin’ The Dog”, and “Movin’ Out”, which by the way if you ever see and hear both of those in one show, that alone is lifetime achievement, but after that the chills came… As Steven exited the stage or at least to a darkened corner briefly, only to come back to center stage surrounded by his brothers for his very 1st ever at 67 years old playing the guitar on a massive stage, this song. As much as this song haunts me at time at times, I will forever be grateful for what I saw, what I heard, what I felt that night. And for that, thank you Aerosmith.

Seasons 2

Personally I think this song is about 5 minutes too short. Maybe that’s the point…

This video shows the difference between “playing”, and “feeling”. They are NOT just an act! They’re a band that never plays the song the same way twice.

I’ve given you two videos to watch. The 1st is really good quality, the 2nd is Salinas 2015, homemade. Watch Steven’s nervousness in his debut. The biggest Rock Star on the planet, nervous in front of a “Cow Town” crowd, and his brothers’ support, Joe’s smile of encouragement. The sound doesn’t do justice to the live emotion this one gave off…

Guess you had to be there…

Just watch and listen…. No I didn’t do this one already… 1:06 in…

Love for the devil, brought her to me…

This is “Seasons of Wither”

Published by

BrotherSpike80

I am a man of simple means. My family is what's important to me. My family and my 3 girls mean more to than the sun! If you ask me what I think, I will tell you straight! So don't ask if you don't wanna know. I like people who are real and don't like those who aren't. You'll know where you fit with me pretty quick. I give most everyone the benefit of the doubt, at least until they prove me wrong. I've lived most my life like there was no tomorrow, at least until my daughters were born, and then even a bit after. By the way; That is NOT good advice... just a statement. I don't believe in "Halfway" Why put on the skis if you're not gonna at least try the face? But I also believe that there is more than Black and White. I believe in where I came from, I don't believe what I went through was ALL worth it! I believe in doing the right thing, more than doing what's right! I believe in "true" friendship, I also know that 99% of them aren't true. I will live a happy life and die a complete man if my kids learn from my mistakes.