Number 89 – What a mess! What a “Hot Fucking Mess”!

Aerosmith songs countdown
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Like Liquid Sugar… Pour It On!

And this is an awesome spot for it!

I’m not gonna put much down on this, just because of the time of day, but damn if this don’t deserve a spot. Maybe for nothin’ more than “another” defining Aerosmith song! This song is all about “sliding’, and ‘slipping”, and “moaning” ‘licks”… on guitars…

Where was your head goin’? Ah ha!!!! And of course, that signature IN YOUR FACE sexual innuendo to the “Umpth” degree!

Can’t believe anyone could ever leave this one out of a list like this. Maybe it was an Honorable Mention once, but with my personality… This one should be obvious…

Let’s go back to before the split…

Let’s go back to 1979. Let’s go back to High School… You knew her! I knew her… And I did everything I could to know her better, ‘deeper”. A few come to mind with this song, but I’ll just remember back to Kelly Fleer (the name is changed to protect the guilty)… Man O’ Man what a blast that girl was!!! And so very dangerous too….  Even at the very young age of what, 15? My kinda girl! At least for few months…

I met Kelly my senior year in high school, Santa Rosa, CA 1979, I think… Not even sure how, or when I met her, but it’s certain I’ll never forget her. Maybe it was one of the many parties I had at my apartment, which I shared with Mitch and Kenny and Kenny’s bullshit-bitch girlfriend, back then. Yeah, I was in High school and lived on my own. Not sure that was ever the right way to grow up, but there were plenty of things that were right about it. And Kelly was one of them.

I think she was just a fresh young sophomore back then, but this chick knew the back alley ways to a young man’s heart, and believe me, it was not through good cookin’. No, Kelly was before her time. This chick was all grown up in a young girl’s body. Even at that age she would pour on the sex appeal like liquid sugar, and just present herself as dessert! She got me higher than a kite! Mini skirts, with netted “stockings”, no I didn’t say panty hose. Nope, not for Kelly! And who needs underwear? And boots, or even high heeled strapped shoes, whatever she felt would capture the attention of who-ever, or whatever she wanted.

That was just it, this chick had the power, even then, and knew exactly how to use it. Almost as if she was reading the chapters from the very same manual I was, just the female version! Big luscious lips all glossed up, poutin’ and ready to bite! And to be honest, I kinda’ liked when she did…. With the prettiest blue eyes that seemed to glisten and sparkle in the light, almost like a prop, just through her eyelashes that were a fucking a written invitation to go deeper! She would pour her, already very developed womanly body into a tight sweater, but off the shoulder, daring me… And she knew I’d do anything for a dare.

Kelly and I shared some memories that were pure passion! Maybe even more than kids that age should ever be exposed to, I don’t know. No regrets though, at least not from me. Kelly was a girl who could never let a moment slip, that could have been better used sliding… or let’s say; tasting the spice of life, and if not tasting the spice of life, she was surely tasting the spice of lust. She was the 1st younger girl I ever knew, that knew how to please and be pleased, by more than a wink and smile, but would use that wink and smile while pleasing and being pleased. The girl was big on eye contact at all times! Mesmerizing, electrifying, hypnotizing, and yes orgazmifying!

I can remember vaguely, as it might be today, how it all started; Just a party, not unlike any other party I’d thrown, or been to in any of my teenage years. This girl came with a few friends, and I could tell she was young when she came in the apartment, with about 3 friends or so. I didn’t know at the time, but would later find out she was close to my roommate Kenny’s girlfriend, who I despised with extreme passion. None of that mattered though, at least not for a few months… Kelly came in the apartment, all of about 15 years old, which in 1979 was cool, I wasn’t even 17 yet, but she was looking like more of a woman than other chick there. You know the type! The type that walks in the room and immediately takes it over. There’s no longer anyone else at the party. The kind of girl that creates slow motion just by being present. Kelly was built, but she was… well, she was “slinky’. She was small, but not at all. She had on heels and dressed to the nines! I had zero clue who she was, but knew I wanted to know her. By the end of the night this chick was all mine! I knew having my way with her was just the beginning, but what I didn’t know was that I was all hers, and just part of a collection.

I spent many a days driving out old Bennett Valley Road to go see Kelly at her very rich parent’s house out in the country. Just me and her, in the middle of the day, God only knows where her parents were. To be honest, I’d even bet her parents knew full well. How could they not? This chick was a walking, talking bulletin board for sex appeal! She had me in that sunken fire pit living room, her stable, and immediately, I was her stable boy, and she was chompin’ at the bit. Funny how the tables turn… She was the first to ask me to pull on her reins, which of course just kept me a risin’ all afternoon!

Kelly and I would spend a lot of time, together over the course of a few months, most of it without clothes. She never believed in the right time, or the wrong place, which was fine by me, at least for awhile. She also knew that with her creamy white skin, and those eyes, and those wandering hands and lips of hers, there was no way I could escape. She knew I couldn’t resist her, especially after letting my fingers do the walking all the way to dessert. She knew she drove me crazy! She also knew I couldn’t, wouldn’t say no…

Until I did…

It was rough… There are certain things in life that people just aren’t ready for, even if they’re the one’s more prepared than any other. I always considered myself pretty well read, even at such a young age, of the feminine kind. I was always pretty much in control, unless the woman happened to be twice my age, then it was more like just sit back and learn. But for the most part, I could carry my way in, and out of sexual relations with girls most of my life, almost as easy as throwing a baseball. But Kelly was different…

Kelly introduced me to “Crazy”… She introduced me to lack of control. I’ve got a small piece of advice for men, or women in their early years of life, and that is; The thought of having a night with a real bona-fide nympho is a pretty intriguing thought, and by all means if you have the opportunity or opportunities grab it!!! However, It’d be smart if you decide to venture down this road, to plan your exit before feelings emerge, because if you don’t… well, let’s just say that sexual energy will find its way out… Like water will find level, nympho will find revenge.

Kelly took her revenge, but even to this day, I’m not sure what her motive was. I can remember clear as day, never letting her think I would be the one, and yet she felt that I did. All the while of course, playing her cards like a shark. With at least one other guy, and perhaps another, I soon felt as though I was in a competition of sorts. Which was really odd for me, I don’t compete when it comes to women. I think everyone should get a trophy, just for showing up in that game. Not unlike me though, Kelly always tried to have a spare around just in case… I’m still not sure to this day, if I was the spare, or if it was the guy she led me to on one Friday night to fight it out with… and to be honest, I’m not sure if it wasn’t Kenny’s girlfriend’s chess game all along.

Anyway, Kelly was my “Cheesecake”, her sugar got me higher than a kite, I couldn’t resist her, until I had to… But she was a damn good time…

My association with the album the song is on, is almost parallel to what the album and song represents in the band’s lives, and the time it came out. When the rumors of the band breaking up, were still just rumors, or at least we didn’t believe it. Joe and Steven just started taking on the famous moniker; “Toxic Twins”. Joe had most of his licks for “Night in the Ruts” recorded. The opening to this song would go on to become a song all its own, one of my all-time favorites as a matter of fact. That slide guitar that is seduction in sound.  But let’s go back to the song…

The song itself can be seen, and heard as a premonition to the theme of Permanent Vacation… And the pickin’ with both Brad and Joe in the middle is just this side of fucking brilliant! Yeah, it’s about as shallow and sophomoric as it gets, but come on, isn’t that some of the things we like most about these guys. You can really feel in this song, if it wasn’t for the serious side of cocaine, they would’ve been laughing all the way through this one… listen to it again with a new ear.

Have some fun..

“I met a babe in a backseat drivin’
Back in the saddle she’d sit
Pulled on the reins just to keep me risin’
She loved to chomp at the bit…”

She always walks with her eyes
Down on her bootlace
She lives to give it away
She don’t believe in the right time or the wrong place
She’s always liable to say…”

This is; “Cheesecake”

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